...arrrrgh
I use to have the library's facebook and twitter account connected so whatever I put on the library's facebook status would also be tweeted. After MLA conference I thought I would be proactive and tweet directly but haven't been keeping up. Now I'm trying to reconnect them but I'm having trouble getting it connected in the right direction and only to the TDL page posts not my posts. Ugh, still fighting with it.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Out with the old...
...is that really what you want to do? You know those New Year adages, you've heard them most of your life."Out with the Old, In with the New", "New Year New Beginnings", etc... But what really has been so bad about the old year? Several blogs I follow have been posting about all the negative and terrible things that happened in 2010 and how they just hope that 2011 will not be a repeat.
Granted we never want to repeat the difficult times in our life, but at least we already know we can survive them. You may have faced financial, relational, emotional and physical difficulties in 2010 but if you are reading this then you are definitely still here. Sure it was tough and you didn't enjoy it, but CELEBRATE you are still here and should you face it again you know how to make it through.
For me there has been good times and bad time and sometimes those times came together. I saw my younger sister marry a decent man and seems to be happy with life. The downside of that is they moved to Florida for work and I miss my nephews. I started the year on a weight-loss triumph and end it back at the starting line knowing what I need to do and just waiting for my mind to shoot the starting pistol. We celebrated my Grandpa's 100th birthday this year and end it with him recovering from a broken leg and pneumonia. 2010 was a year of work too. TDL had another landmark year in our new building. Patron's continue to come and use the library's collections, computer, reading space, and free WI-FI. We have started new reader's advisory services including our "Let's Talk Books" blog. I have also started blogging for books at "Blogging for Books". I've discovered some new authors and TV shows I like. I'm adjusting to a new Pastor at church and learning to face 40 with welcoming arms. While my friends list may not be as long as my family list I've discovered that there is a lot of people who know and like me. (At least that's what facebook says!) One thing I will say about looking towards 2011 though is that I know there will be just as many trials, triumph, tears and touchdowns as there was in 2010.
Happy New Year and hold onto the memories of the Old Year.
Granted we never want to repeat the difficult times in our life, but at least we already know we can survive them. You may have faced financial, relational, emotional and physical difficulties in 2010 but if you are reading this then you are definitely still here. Sure it was tough and you didn't enjoy it, but CELEBRATE you are still here and should you face it again you know how to make it through.
For me there has been good times and bad time and sometimes those times came together. I saw my younger sister marry a decent man and seems to be happy with life. The downside of that is they moved to Florida for work and I miss my nephews. I started the year on a weight-loss triumph and end it back at the starting line knowing what I need to do and just waiting for my mind to shoot the starting pistol. We celebrated my Grandpa's 100th birthday this year and end it with him recovering from a broken leg and pneumonia. 2010 was a year of work too. TDL had another landmark year in our new building. Patron's continue to come and use the library's collections, computer, reading space, and free WI-FI. We have started new reader's advisory services including our "Let's Talk Books" blog. I have also started blogging for books at "Blogging for Books". I've discovered some new authors and TV shows I like. I'm adjusting to a new Pastor at church and learning to face 40 with welcoming arms. While my friends list may not be as long as my family list I've discovered that there is a lot of people who know and like me. (At least that's what facebook says!) One thing I will say about looking towards 2011 though is that I know there will be just as many trials, triumph, tears and touchdowns as there was in 2010.
Happy New Year and hold onto the memories of the Old Year.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
The misconceptions about ...
... librarians. Many people believe that librarians do nothing at work but sit around and read. Yes their is a lot of reading that goes into the job of a librarian but that reading usually includes, emails soliciting everything from magazines, books, furniture, databases and yes air fresheners. The reading also includes library journals that keep us updated on issues facing libraries in government and threats to library funding. Book reviews also take up a lot of reading because after all we can't just buy books we want to read or that have a cool cover we have to establish a well rounded collection that reflects the interests of our community.
That leads me to the part of the job that requires us to know our community. To provide services that the community wants and needs it is important that we be involved in the community. This often means being part of community organizations, serving on community boards, getting involved with the local schools and trying to keep a positive relationship with the local governmental entities. Librarians network more than computers!
Computers!!!! This is the trickiest part of a librarians job because it is constantly changing and improving. It seems every year or tow a new version of computers come our and so when replacing computers at a library you also have to replace software because what worked on XP won't work on Vista and what worked on Vista won't work on Windows 7. Now I know all you fruit lovers out there are saying "Just go Apple!" but the sad truth is that 80% of the population uses PCs and that is what the majority of the software out there is designed for. Apple computers while cool and very handy for a lot of security and usability features require a strong learning curve and the knowledge on how to convert your programs and documents into an Apple compatible format. There are enough people that we help that don't know how to use a PC I don't think we are ready yet to teach them to use Apples when everything they know is oranges.
Helping patrons, for many of us librarians this is one reason we became librarians. We want to share our knowledge, our love of reading, and our skills for finding information. We are here for your questions! The most popular question is always about the bathrooms; 'do you have one' 'where is it' 'do you have anymore toilet paper' and our favorite 'did you know someone made a big mess in the bathroom?'
My response to that last is not what I want to say because if I said what I wanted to say it would be this. "Yes, I know someone made a mess and smeared #%$##@ all over the walls but we are waiting for them to become an upstanding citizen and come back and clean it up." Don't think that would go over well. Other questions range from "What is the title of the new James Patterson book?" (He writes/has his name on at least 7 a year) "Do you remember the book I read 3 years ago? It had a blue cover and I think a star on it?" "Do you have any good books?" (To which I honestly reply "no we only keep bad books in the library")
When not helping patrons we are policing children and teens. You know that old sitcom where the kids tell their parents they are 'going to the library' but really are meeting up with their friends and creating havoc. Well in real life they do come to the library and we like to see them in the library but they do not come to do library things like read, learn, study, etc... no they come so they can meet up with their boyfriend/girlfriend and have a snogging session, or meet with 10 or their other friends and wrestle and run around the library. Parents think the library is a safe place but it is only as safe as the people in it. We try really hard to not be those mean shushing librarians but we do need to maintain enough order so that everyone can enjoy the library, even those ancient genealogists who at times are noisier than the kids.
If you do catch us shushing it probably because we are trying to take a nap!
If you want to know more about what it is like to work in a library check out the book "Free for All: Oddballs, Geeks and Gangsters in the Public Library", by Don Borchert, available at your local library. (Or at least at mine)
That leads me to the part of the job that requires us to know our community. To provide services that the community wants and needs it is important that we be involved in the community. This often means being part of community organizations, serving on community boards, getting involved with the local schools and trying to keep a positive relationship with the local governmental entities. Librarians network more than computers!
Computers!!!! This is the trickiest part of a librarians job because it is constantly changing and improving. It seems every year or tow a new version of computers come our and so when replacing computers at a library you also have to replace software because what worked on XP won't work on Vista and what worked on Vista won't work on Windows 7. Now I know all you fruit lovers out there are saying "Just go Apple!" but the sad truth is that 80% of the population uses PCs and that is what the majority of the software out there is designed for. Apple computers while cool and very handy for a lot of security and usability features require a strong learning curve and the knowledge on how to convert your programs and documents into an Apple compatible format. There are enough people that we help that don't know how to use a PC I don't think we are ready yet to teach them to use Apples when everything they know is oranges.
Helping patrons, for many of us librarians this is one reason we became librarians. We want to share our knowledge, our love of reading, and our skills for finding information. We are here for your questions! The most popular question is always about the bathrooms; 'do you have one' 'where is it' 'do you have anymore toilet paper' and our favorite 'did you know someone made a big mess in the bathroom?'
My response to that last is not what I want to say because if I said what I wanted to say it would be this. "Yes, I know someone made a mess and smeared #%$##@ all over the walls but we are waiting for them to become an upstanding citizen and come back and clean it up." Don't think that would go over well. Other questions range from "What is the title of the new James Patterson book?" (He writes/has his name on at least 7 a year) "Do you remember the book I read 3 years ago? It had a blue cover and I think a star on it?" "Do you have any good books?" (To which I honestly reply "no we only keep bad books in the library")
When not helping patrons we are policing children and teens. You know that old sitcom where the kids tell their parents they are 'going to the library' but really are meeting up with their friends and creating havoc. Well in real life they do come to the library and we like to see them in the library but they do not come to do library things like read, learn, study, etc... no they come so they can meet up with their boyfriend/girlfriend and have a snogging session, or meet with 10 or their other friends and wrestle and run around the library. Parents think the library is a safe place but it is only as safe as the people in it. We try really hard to not be those mean shushing librarians but we do need to maintain enough order so that everyone can enjoy the library, even those ancient genealogists who at times are noisier than the kids.
If you do catch us shushing it probably because we are trying to take a nap!
If you want to know more about what it is like to work in a library check out the book "Free for All: Oddballs, Geeks and Gangsters in the Public Library", by Don Borchert, available at your local library. (Or at least at mine)
Monday, December 13, 2010
Not so instant replay...
...of one of my favorite posts. Maybe I like it so well because the words and ideas aren't mine. I have been thinking about this book for several weeks but nobody in our library system has it anymore so I had to order myself a cheap used copy just so I could reread it and remember the rest of this conversation.
Here it is:
The truth about men...
...as only a single woman can tell it!
Men are like mascara...they run at the first sign of emotions.
Men are like lava lamps...pretty to look at but not real bright.
Men are like coolers...load them up with beer and then you can take them anywhere.
Men are like copiers...good for reproduction but thats about it.
Men are like commercials...you can't believe a word they say.
Men are like blenders...you know you have to have one, you just don't know why.
Men are like plungers...they spend most of their lives in the hardware store or the bathroom.
Men are like coffee...the best ones are rich, hot, full-bodied, and keep you up all night.
If you want to know how men are like Chocolate bars, vacations, and snow storms check our Marianne Stilling's book, "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evie". (There are also several good comebacks about what women are like.)
Here it is:
The truth about men...
...as only a single woman can tell it!
Men are like mascara...they run at the first sign of emotions.
Men are like lava lamps...pretty to look at but not real bright.
Men are like coolers...load them up with beer and then you can take them anywhere.
Men are like copiers...good for reproduction but thats about it.
Men are like commercials...you can't believe a word they say.
Men are like blenders...you know you have to have one, you just don't know why.
Men are like plungers...they spend most of their lives in the hardware store or the bathroom.
Men are like coffee...the best ones are rich, hot, full-bodied, and keep you up all night.
If you want to know how men are like Chocolate bars, vacations, and snow storms check our Marianne Stilling's book, "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evie". (There are also several good comebacks about what women are like.)
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Christmas is coming...
...and it will all be over by the 25th. Library holiday fundraisers are underway this weekend with a lot of wonderful items available in a silent auction.
To see more of the items for sale look for the Tamarack District Library's facebook page. Saturday will be Breakfast with Santa and next Saturday will be the family Christmas. And then some caroling and work parties the next couple of weeks and by the 23rd all my Christmas celebrations will be over and then I can relax.
Only 2 people to shop for yet so that's not going to be stressful it's just the getting through each day.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Things I want to accomplish...
...before the end of my 40th year.
1. Go to Florida to see my nephews and I guess my sister too
2. Find a hobby besides reading or watching digital entertainment
3. Make more connections with friends and family, break down part of my isolation wall
4. Read my Bible more
5. Practice my leadership skills at work and church
That may not seem like a lot and some I've already been doing but for a natural lazy, introverted person it seems pretty big.
1. Go to Florida to see my nephews and I guess my sister too
2. Find a hobby besides reading or watching digital entertainment
3. Make more connections with friends and family, break down part of my isolation wall
4. Read my Bible more
5. Practice my leadership skills at work and church
That may not seem like a lot and some I've already been doing but for a natural lazy, introverted person it seems pretty big.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
When other people get creative...
... all I have to do is talk about it! The library's Creative Creations program was last night and Mary & Jeanne did an awesome job! I was asked to blog about it as my sister was ill and not able to attend. Since she got the majority of the creative juice in our family I thought this photo array would provide a lot of juice!
The whole room was decorated for Christmas yet was relaxing and didn't make me panic about how close 12/25 is.
This is the paperback snowman created out of a 400 pg paperback book. I could recommend several authors whose books would qualify!
A Candy Christmas will be available for bids during the Friends of the Library's Celebration of the Trees silent auction Dec. 2-4th!
Candles were the craft du jour this year. Iced candles made from candle leftovers or from brand new ingredients make an aromatic centerpiece.
If you missed the night you missed a lot but we still have Christmas craft and decoration books available at the library! Plan for next November's Creative Creation including your own Creative Show and Tell!
The whole room was decorated for Christmas yet was relaxing and didn't make me panic about how close 12/25 is.
This is the paperback snowman created out of a 400 pg paperback book. I could recommend several authors whose books would qualify!
A Candy Christmas will be available for bids during the Friends of the Library's Celebration of the Trees silent auction Dec. 2-4th!
Candles were the craft du jour this year. Iced candles made from candle leftovers or from brand new ingredients make an aromatic centerpiece.
If you missed the night you missed a lot but we still have Christmas craft and decoration books available at the library! Plan for next November's Creative Creation including your own Creative Show and Tell!
Monday, October 18, 2010
There are days...
...when the wrecking ball of life keeps on swinging.
Why is it then that you can never get the wrecking ball to break down the parts of you life that you want demolished? Bad habits multiply, aggravations build higher, animosity forms a stronghold and bitterness becomes a solid foundation.
When all these things build up the joy, happiness, contentment, peace and relaxation tend to come crashing down. It would really be nice if we could control that wrecking ball and have it only demolish the things we want out of our lives and have the rubbish instantly removed. I would remove my addiction to food and my self destructive tendencies. I would demolish my self righteous hang-ups and bust open those fears that hold me captive. I would then build up a God centered life filled with honest compassion for all people and a patience to deal with those same people. A love for myself that sees me as God sees me and not as the mirror reflects me along with seeing others the way God sees them to see their value through His eyes.
Why is it then that you can never get the wrecking ball to break down the parts of you life that you want demolished? Bad habits multiply, aggravations build higher, animosity forms a stronghold and bitterness becomes a solid foundation.
When all these things build up the joy, happiness, contentment, peace and relaxation tend to come crashing down. It would really be nice if we could control that wrecking ball and have it only demolish the things we want out of our lives and have the rubbish instantly removed. I would remove my addiction to food and my self destructive tendencies. I would demolish my self righteous hang-ups and bust open those fears that hold me captive. I would then build up a God centered life filled with honest compassion for all people and a patience to deal with those same people. A love for myself that sees me as God sees me and not as the mirror reflects me along with seeing others the way God sees them to see their value through His eyes.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I've been neglecting...
...the book part of this blog for a while. Therefore I shall endeavor to share some of the books I have enjoyed lately and why.
1. "Wicked Appetite", by Janet Evanovich
Best know for her hugely popular Stephanie Plum series, Evanovich has created a spin off series featuring Diesel, the Unmentionable character from the Plum Between-the-Numbers books.Diesel is on the quest to find and protect the stones that represent the 7 Deadly Sins. This first book brought together humor, adventure and just a touch of attraction as the searched for the Gluttonoid. Maybe it was the fact that gluttony was the first stone they searched for or maybe it was just the wonderful humor but I'm already looking forward to the next book. My biggest hope is that she doesn't drag out a love triangle throughout the series like she has with the Plum books.
2. "Ravished by a Highlander", by Paula Quinn
I admit that I am a romance junkie and am only mildly embarrassed by that fact. This was the first book I read by Quinn and I was just expecting a regular straightforward historical romance full of brawny Scotsmen in kilts! (Yummy) What I found most interesting about this book was all the history interwoven with a touching love story. Set during the coronation of King James, this fiction book brought out the reality of the role religion played in the battle for the Monarchy. Betrayal and faith walked side by side and there were times when even knowing this was a romance I would wonder if love would be enough to protect Davina and Rob.
3. "Eat Prey Love" by Kerrelyn Sparks
No that isn't a typos and this is not the basis for Julia Robert's movie. This book continues the "Love at Stake" series about Vamps and Shifters. Cait discovers that the sister she hasn't seen in over a decade didn't abandon her but instead was separated from her by their father. Their reunion hold it's own surprises as Cait discover that her sister has married a vampire and her niece and nephew have very special abilities. These shocking truths are nothing compared to the were-panther who ignites instant animal attraction in her. But Carlos, the were-panther, has bigger problems than the mortal who has invaded his life. He is on a search for a Mate and the discover of other were-panthers before his race is extinct.
That's it for now but if you are willing to admit that you enjoy a lot of romance in your stories check out some of these blogs.
Killer Fiction
Running with Quills
TDL's Let's Talk Books
1. "Wicked Appetite", by Janet Evanovich
Best know for her hugely popular Stephanie Plum series, Evanovich has created a spin off series featuring Diesel, the Unmentionable character from the Plum Between-the-Numbers books.Diesel is on the quest to find and protect the stones that represent the 7 Deadly Sins. This first book brought together humor, adventure and just a touch of attraction as the searched for the Gluttonoid. Maybe it was the fact that gluttony was the first stone they searched for or maybe it was just the wonderful humor but I'm already looking forward to the next book. My biggest hope is that she doesn't drag out a love triangle throughout the series like she has with the Plum books.
2. "Ravished by a Highlander", by Paula Quinn
I admit that I am a romance junkie and am only mildly embarrassed by that fact. This was the first book I read by Quinn and I was just expecting a regular straightforward historical romance full of brawny Scotsmen in kilts! (Yummy) What I found most interesting about this book was all the history interwoven with a touching love story. Set during the coronation of King James, this fiction book brought out the reality of the role religion played in the battle for the Monarchy. Betrayal and faith walked side by side and there were times when even knowing this was a romance I would wonder if love would be enough to protect Davina and Rob.
3. "Eat Prey Love" by Kerrelyn Sparks
No that isn't a typos and this is not the basis for Julia Robert's movie. This book continues the "Love at Stake" series about Vamps and Shifters. Cait discovers that the sister she hasn't seen in over a decade didn't abandon her but instead was separated from her by their father. Their reunion hold it's own surprises as Cait discover that her sister has married a vampire and her niece and nephew have very special abilities. These shocking truths are nothing compared to the were-panther who ignites instant animal attraction in her. But Carlos, the were-panther, has bigger problems than the mortal who has invaded his life. He is on a search for a Mate and the discover of other were-panthers before his race is extinct.
That's it for now but if you are willing to admit that you enjoy a lot of romance in your stories check out some of these blogs.
Killer Fiction
Running with Quills
TDL's Let's Talk Books
Friday, October 01, 2010
Foolish choices...
...deadly decisions! You read about it everyday, people do silly or foolish things and they end in death. We like to use the term 'accident' but is it really an accident when you are intentionally endangering your life? Surfing on subway cars, free climbing tall buildings, diving of cliffs hoping to catch the incoming tide...
In my mind these are all foolish choices and not having an adventurous bone in my body so I'm never tempted with these foolish choices.
What I am tempted by are deadly decisions! You know what decision I mean, the decision to sit down with a whole "Death by Chocolate" layer cake and eat the whole thing. The decision to take the whole quart of ice cream to the couch instead dishing up a serving. (Because you know that if you take the whole quart you'll eat the whole quart even if you tell yourself you'll only have a little) That decision to stay in bed that extra half hour instead of getting up and putting some extra movement in your day. There is also that popular decision to hit the fast food place or the pizza place and pick up dinner after a long day of work instead of going home and fixing a halfway balanced meal.
The risk of early death is high with either scenario. Maybe I should try a few more foolish choices to liven up my life and cut back on the deadly decisions?
In my mind these are all foolish choices and not having an adventurous bone in my body so I'm never tempted with these foolish choices.
What I am tempted by are deadly decisions! You know what decision I mean, the decision to sit down with a whole "Death by Chocolate" layer cake and eat the whole thing. The decision to take the whole quart of ice cream to the couch instead dishing up a serving. (Because you know that if you take the whole quart you'll eat the whole quart even if you tell yourself you'll only have a little) That decision to stay in bed that extra half hour instead of getting up and putting some extra movement in your day. There is also that popular decision to hit the fast food place or the pizza place and pick up dinner after a long day of work instead of going home and fixing a halfway balanced meal.
The risk of early death is high with either scenario. Maybe I should try a few more foolish choices to liven up my life and cut back on the deadly decisions?
Friday, September 17, 2010
On a happier note...
...it's Friday! Everyone is back from vacations and we can settle into our work routine to see how our new schedule flows. I'm trying to out run a head cold but my body is in slow motion so I don't know if I'll make it.
I have found that nothing can change an attitude faster than a good nights sleep. There is a reason God gave us night time and it wasn't to stay up with friends, books or TV. Those things are okay when done rarely but night after night not only affects you physically but also mentally and emotionally. I really need to convince myself that no matter how good the book I'm reading is it will still have the same story in it when I pick it up in the morning. I'm finding that I'm losing the ability to sleep in on Saturdays so it is becoming more important that I go to bed at a decent hour. I never was one to stay up late for parties or socializing but I can't remember the number of times I stayed up until the early AM hours with a good book.
Last night was a good night. I went to bed with a stomach that wasn't so full that I felt sick, I had a swig of Nyquil in an attempt to beat this head cold, and turned off the lights around 11:00. I still didn't want to get out of bed this morning but there really aren't very many morning when I do. Something about a nice warm bed and pillows to snuggle with makes for lazy mornings even if I'm not falling back to sleep. So sleep and 5-HTP are making for a better day.
I have found that nothing can change an attitude faster than a good nights sleep. There is a reason God gave us night time and it wasn't to stay up with friends, books or TV. Those things are okay when done rarely but night after night not only affects you physically but also mentally and emotionally. I really need to convince myself that no matter how good the book I'm reading is it will still have the same story in it when I pick it up in the morning. I'm finding that I'm losing the ability to sleep in on Saturdays so it is becoming more important that I go to bed at a decent hour. I never was one to stay up late for parties or socializing but I can't remember the number of times I stayed up until the early AM hours with a good book.
Last night was a good night. I went to bed with a stomach that wasn't so full that I felt sick, I had a swig of Nyquil in an attempt to beat this head cold, and turned off the lights around 11:00. I still didn't want to get out of bed this morning but there really aren't very many morning when I do. Something about a nice warm bed and pillows to snuggle with makes for lazy mornings even if I'm not falling back to sleep. So sleep and 5-HTP are making for a better day.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Okay I feel the pressure...
...but I'm still not sure I have anything to write about. Lately I've just been feeling empty. I go through the motions of my day, I go to work, do what needs to be done, smile and assist patrons, try to get along with my boss and coworkers, then go home and do nothing but relax and read or watch TV. My problem is that while I'm going through all these motions I keep stuffing food in my mouth because at least that gives me a small short moment of 'yum' factor. The downside of that is that the weight comes rushing back and then not only am I feeling empty inside but my outside is starting to hurt and ache and my clothes won't fit. This all adds depression to the emptiness and I look for more things to break through.
I overfill my responsibilities with Church activities thinking that serving will help bring meaning into my life. Mentally I know that God's Love should fill me to overflowing but knowing it and feeling it are two different things. Changes that I thought I was ready for I'm find are causing more stress and upheaval in my personal life. It's not that I don't know what should happen and how things should change and that I'm probably relying on my will more than God's strength but you know, the knowledge of all that doesn't help a lot when the emptiness just doesn't fill up. Being smart isn't always a good thing because then you know what should be happening or what you should do but if you can't find the motivation, purpose or strength to do it, it just adds to the feeling of failure.
As a teen I fought through feeling of suicide and a brief (one time) therapy of cutting. Is survived I'm still a live and I think well adjusted. I may be a little withdrawn from people, may not like crowds, take years to develop really close friendships, live like a hermit other than work & church. Sometimes I do wonder if I'm still suicidal? I sometimes think that my choice of suicide is sugar and fat. Don't worry, I'm hanging in there and starting my 5-HTP again that should level out my mood swings. I'm not as bad off I this sounds. For at least 8 hours of the day I function like a normal human and when required I can also add a couple hours to that. I'll find my way again. I know the answer I just have to find the way to get there.
Depressing enough for ya Jeanette?
I overfill my responsibilities with Church activities thinking that serving will help bring meaning into my life. Mentally I know that God's Love should fill me to overflowing but knowing it and feeling it are two different things. Changes that I thought I was ready for I'm find are causing more stress and upheaval in my personal life. It's not that I don't know what should happen and how things should change and that I'm probably relying on my will more than God's strength but you know, the knowledge of all that doesn't help a lot when the emptiness just doesn't fill up. Being smart isn't always a good thing because then you know what should be happening or what you should do but if you can't find the motivation, purpose or strength to do it, it just adds to the feeling of failure.
As a teen I fought through feeling of suicide and a brief (one time) therapy of cutting. Is survived I'm still a live and I think well adjusted. I may be a little withdrawn from people, may not like crowds, take years to develop really close friendships, live like a hermit other than work & church. Sometimes I do wonder if I'm still suicidal? I sometimes think that my choice of suicide is sugar and fat. Don't worry, I'm hanging in there and starting my 5-HTP again that should level out my mood swings. I'm not as bad off I this sounds. For at least 8 hours of the day I function like a normal human and when required I can also add a couple hours to that. I'll find my way again. I know the answer I just have to find the way to get there.
Depressing enough for ya Jeanette?
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Ahh Vacations...
...I'm not sure if going or returning is less relaxing? Before a vacation you are frustrated making sure everything is packed and you don't forget anything. If you also have a job you have the extra stress of making sure your work is caught up and everyone who will need to know what you know, knows it. Leaving a clean desk or house is also a trial unless you are already one of those super organized individuals who keep things clean all the time. All the other things that fall onto the 'to do' list before vacations include; clean the car out, empty the refrigerator, make sure you have enough clothes to vacate in without having to find a laundromat, confirm your reservations, map your trip so you don't spend hours going in the wrong direction, and if you are vacationing with extended family you can multiply that list by however many there are packing and driving.
Vacations themselves should be relaxing and mine was about 85% of the time but unfortunately if you have young children like my sister while vacationing the only relaxing times are while they are asleep.
Coming back brings on a fast submersion into the land of stress and frustration that quickly erases that 85% relaxation benefits. First, after a long, long, long day of traveling (11+ hours on the road with multiple stops) you have to unpack your vehicle and carry everything inside. (I don't have the kids to assign this task to.) After everything is in you then have to unpack the bags and return all your belongings to their rightful place. You may even find yourself doing a load of laundry in the middle of the night just so you have clean clothes to wear the next day. Your refrigerator is empty, the answering machine is blinking its receiver off, your email accounts are so full of junk and spam that you spend 3 hours just cleaning them out so you can reply to the important ones (if you don't accidentally delete them with the SPAM), and the snail mail is in a pile waiting to be sorted and bills are waiting to be paid. The next day at work you will find that; work has piled up on the desk that you didn't get cleaned off before you left, what you thought people knew before you left is not what they remembered, appointments and meetings have appeared on your calendar magically while you were gone, and everything needed to be done last week while you were gone so you get on it ASAP only to find out that you missed the deadline because you were on vacation when the task was delegated to you.
So here is the question is it more stressful to prepare for vacation or return from vacation? Does this mean that you should never take a vacation or should you just go on vacation 24/7 and forget about all the work and home stress? Can you get paid to vacation all the time and not have it be work? I don't know but I will tell you this, I'm back into the regular work routine and looking for the next time I can take a vacation! (I must thrive on stress)
Vacations themselves should be relaxing and mine was about 85% of the time but unfortunately if you have young children like my sister while vacationing the only relaxing times are while they are asleep.
Coming back brings on a fast submersion into the land of stress and frustration that quickly erases that 85% relaxation benefits. First, after a long, long, long day of traveling (11+ hours on the road with multiple stops) you have to unpack your vehicle and carry everything inside. (I don't have the kids to assign this task to.) After everything is in you then have to unpack the bags and return all your belongings to their rightful place. You may even find yourself doing a load of laundry in the middle of the night just so you have clean clothes to wear the next day. Your refrigerator is empty, the answering machine is blinking its receiver off, your email accounts are so full of junk and spam that you spend 3 hours just cleaning them out so you can reply to the important ones (if you don't accidentally delete them with the SPAM), and the snail mail is in a pile waiting to be sorted and bills are waiting to be paid. The next day at work you will find that; work has piled up on the desk that you didn't get cleaned off before you left, what you thought people knew before you left is not what they remembered, appointments and meetings have appeared on your calendar magically while you were gone, and everything needed to be done last week while you were gone so you get on it ASAP only to find out that you missed the deadline because you were on vacation when the task was delegated to you.
So here is the question is it more stressful to prepare for vacation or return from vacation? Does this mean that you should never take a vacation or should you just go on vacation 24/7 and forget about all the work and home stress? Can you get paid to vacation all the time and not have it be work? I don't know but I will tell you this, I'm back into the regular work routine and looking for the next time I can take a vacation! (I must thrive on stress)
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
I wish I would have thought of it first...
...but I didn't so here are some Bogus Thoughts stolen from a favorite blog of mine "Killer Fiction".
"A Phew Filisophical Questions" by Leslie Langtry
Since the other week when I wondered why RAGE doesn’t burn calories, a couple of other questions have popped into my head.
I don’t ask Mr. A’s opinion anymore. One time a friend and I were having some serious e-mail back and forth regarding a shoe on James’ Cameron’s Titanic documentary. Seems the shoe is found completely buttoned up – with like, fifty buttons. So, we surmised a foot had been in it. What happened to the foot?
Well, we had all kinds of cool theories – a shark with a snail fork, etc. Then Mr. A ruins all our fun by saying the foot just dissolved in the icy waters over time. Bastard.
So, I spent Sunday trimming poor Muppet again. She looks like a tiny weasel with large, uneven bald spots now. Her hair grows ridiculously fast and mattes up if she sneezes. On the other hand, there is my pug. I wonder why in some animals, their hair is short all the time. The pug's hair grows only one length…ever. Why? And how can I get in on that?
Or maybe we can do what the Chrissy and Velvet dolls did. You remember? A button in her navel makes the hair longer and a button on her back makes it short. Sounds wonderful to me - I'm not using my navel for anything right now.
The second question comes from something a pet shop owner told me when I went to get food for the Beta we had named, “Margaret’s Fish.” The fish guy told me not to over feed the fish because, “Fish will eat until they die if you let them.”
I’d heard this before. It’s an old saw if you keep fish as pets, right? And yet, if that’s true, what about fish in lakes, rivers and seas? I’ve never heard of a fish hatching in the morning and dying by afternoon because it kept eating and couldn’t stop. Why is that?
How is it that some fish cannot control themselves when it comes to gluttony and their inevitable deaths? How come other fish live for years? Do they have some kind of self-restraint that eludes the rest of all fishkind? And how can I apply it to my complete lack of willpower that comes over me when I see a Twinkie?
Maybe my own brain will start producing bogus thoughts soon but I hope you enjoyed Leslie's mind ramblings.
"A Phew Filisophical Questions" by Leslie Langtry
Since the other week when I wondered why RAGE doesn’t burn calories, a couple of other questions have popped into my head.
I don’t ask Mr. A’s opinion anymore. One time a friend and I were having some serious e-mail back and forth regarding a shoe on James’ Cameron’s Titanic documentary. Seems the shoe is found completely buttoned up – with like, fifty buttons. So, we surmised a foot had been in it. What happened to the foot?
Well, we had all kinds of cool theories – a shark with a snail fork, etc. Then Mr. A ruins all our fun by saying the foot just dissolved in the icy waters over time. Bastard.
So, I spent Sunday trimming poor Muppet again. She looks like a tiny weasel with large, uneven bald spots now. Her hair grows ridiculously fast and mattes up if she sneezes. On the other hand, there is my pug. I wonder why in some animals, their hair is short all the time. The pug's hair grows only one length…ever. Why? And how can I get in on that?
Or maybe we can do what the Chrissy and Velvet dolls did. You remember? A button in her navel makes the hair longer and a button on her back makes it short. Sounds wonderful to me - I'm not using my navel for anything right now.
The second question comes from something a pet shop owner told me when I went to get food for the Beta we had named, “Margaret’s Fish.” The fish guy told me not to over feed the fish because, “Fish will eat until they die if you let them.”
I’d heard this before. It’s an old saw if you keep fish as pets, right? And yet, if that’s true, what about fish in lakes, rivers and seas? I’ve never heard of a fish hatching in the morning and dying by afternoon because it kept eating and couldn’t stop. Why is that?
How is it that some fish cannot control themselves when it comes to gluttony and their inevitable deaths? How come other fish live for years? Do they have some kind of self-restraint that eludes the rest of all fishkind? And how can I apply it to my complete lack of willpower that comes over me when I see a Twinkie?
Maybe my own brain will start producing bogus thoughts soon but I hope you enjoyed Leslie's mind ramblings.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Never give up...
...never surrender! Unless....
Unless what! What is it that makes us 'give up' what is that final straw that makes us throw in the towel? I've heard that quitters never win but I also know that if you quit while you're ahead then you finish a winner.
Is it frustration, distress, pain, boredom, tiredness, deprivation, WHAT is it that makes us 'give up'? I have started soul searching this question because I want to give up and surrender to my eating addiction. I'm tired of having to make 'good for me' choices, I'm frustrated with having to tell myself no when it comes to foods I know taste good and I enjoy, I'm bored with my routine but don't have the interest or motivation to find a new one. I am also distressed that if I do 'give up' those 80 pound I manged to get off will race back on with all their friends they made while they were gone. (Several are already back but I hope it is for a short visit)
So what do I do now? Where do I find the determination to "Never give up...Never surrender"? Is it in willpower? My willpower disappears at the first pack of mint chocolate cookies. Is it motivation? I can't find any motivation before or after a full work day. Is it in setting goals to accomplish? Goals are nice but I have to believe I can attain them before it will change my behavior. Is it in counseling and therapy? I don't know I haven't tried that yet.
I think of other things I've accomplished in my life where I didn't give up. I earned a BA degree in 4 years when many people were taking 5-6 years for their 4 year degree. I earned my MLIS degree while working full time and without taking out any loans. I haven't had big relationship accomplishments because that's another area where never starting is easier than giving up or failing. I have managed to lose 80 pound in just over a year and if stop giving up I can do it again!
Unless what! What is it that makes us 'give up' what is that final straw that makes us throw in the towel? I've heard that quitters never win but I also know that if you quit while you're ahead then you finish a winner.
Is it frustration, distress, pain, boredom, tiredness, deprivation, WHAT is it that makes us 'give up'? I have started soul searching this question because I want to give up and surrender to my eating addiction. I'm tired of having to make 'good for me' choices, I'm frustrated with having to tell myself no when it comes to foods I know taste good and I enjoy, I'm bored with my routine but don't have the interest or motivation to find a new one. I am also distressed that if I do 'give up' those 80 pound I manged to get off will race back on with all their friends they made while they were gone. (Several are already back but I hope it is for a short visit)
So what do I do now? Where do I find the determination to "Never give up...Never surrender"? Is it in willpower? My willpower disappears at the first pack of mint chocolate cookies. Is it motivation? I can't find any motivation before or after a full work day. Is it in setting goals to accomplish? Goals are nice but I have to believe I can attain them before it will change my behavior. Is it in counseling and therapy? I don't know I haven't tried that yet.
I think of other things I've accomplished in my life where I didn't give up. I earned a BA degree in 4 years when many people were taking 5-6 years for their 4 year degree. I earned my MLIS degree while working full time and without taking out any loans. I haven't had big relationship accomplishments because that's another area where never starting is easier than giving up or failing. I have managed to lose 80 pound in just over a year and if stop giving up I can do it again!
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Sorry Zach...
...I just don't know what to write!
So here is a bunch of bogus thoughts based on the Word.
1. Why is it so much easier to see the splinters in our neighbor's eye when we have a beam in our own, yet if we take care of the beam in our own eye we don't notice the splinter in our neighbors?
2. When the prodigal son returned the Father (God) came to meet him. The prodigal did not feel worthy to be a son and hoped to be a servant. The father welcomed him back as a son and threw a party. The older son never left his father but lived his life as a servant instead of a son. When the Father came to him and asked him to join the party the oldest son refused to even enter the house. Both sons were lost but only one was found.
3. Mary and Martha had different priorities. Martha was a doer who showed her love and devotion by working and preparing a welcoming home and meal for Christ. Mary was a listener and learner who showed her love for Christ by breaking free of the rules that governed proper behavior and sat at the feet of Jesus (A place no proper woman should have been in that day and age) and listened to his teachings. Both loved the Lord and were doing as they felt lead. Martha got into trouble though when she decided that Mary should be showing her love for the Lord in the exact same manner as Martha was. God speaks to us differently and welcomes our individual worship and devotion no matter what form it takes as long as it is honest and from the heart.
4. Only human kind has eternal life for it was only man who was made in the image of God and has God's eternal breath in him. And as woman was made from man they also share that image and breath.
Okay hope that's enough for now. My brain only thinks oddly for a little while.
So here is a bunch of bogus thoughts based on the Word.
1. Why is it so much easier to see the splinters in our neighbor's eye when we have a beam in our own, yet if we take care of the beam in our own eye we don't notice the splinter in our neighbors?
2. When the prodigal son returned the Father (God) came to meet him. The prodigal did not feel worthy to be a son and hoped to be a servant. The father welcomed him back as a son and threw a party. The older son never left his father but lived his life as a servant instead of a son. When the Father came to him and asked him to join the party the oldest son refused to even enter the house. Both sons were lost but only one was found.
3. Mary and Martha had different priorities. Martha was a doer who showed her love and devotion by working and preparing a welcoming home and meal for Christ. Mary was a listener and learner who showed her love for Christ by breaking free of the rules that governed proper behavior and sat at the feet of Jesus (A place no proper woman should have been in that day and age) and listened to his teachings. Both loved the Lord and were doing as they felt lead. Martha got into trouble though when she decided that Mary should be showing her love for the Lord in the exact same manner as Martha was. God speaks to us differently and welcomes our individual worship and devotion no matter what form it takes as long as it is honest and from the heart.
4. Only human kind has eternal life for it was only man who was made in the image of God and has God's eternal breath in him. And as woman was made from man they also share that image and breath.
Okay hope that's enough for now. My brain only thinks oddly for a little while.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
I had a dream...
...and then I gave it up. Okay for those who do not know I have been on a weight loss journey for 1 year and 3 months and for the last 5 months I have been gaining and losing the same 15 pounds. FRUSTRATION, ANGER, and DISAPPOINTMENT have been very evident in my life and I have struggled to keep going instead of giving up totally. There have been many days and weeks where I gave up and ate boxes of cookies and bags of chips with very little care as to how they would affect my health 'cause dang-it they just tasted good.
In my efforts to determine why, after so many successful months of weight-loss, I was struggling I kept coming back to the dream I had. Back near the beginning of the year I heard about "Music Boat 2010", a cruise filled with Christian music artist sailing out in November. I have always dreamed about taking a cruise and was instantly excited. I wanted to go...one of my goals for 2010 was to take a dream vacation...it would be filled with other people who love Christian music...I was scared to death at the thought of going by myself! That was the problem.
I don't have major panic attacks nor am I unable to leave my house but I do have varying levels of social anxiety that I allow to hinder me from doing what I think would be fun and exciting. I don't like big crowds even if I know the people, but if it is going to be a crowd of people I don't know I tend to become a nervous wreck. I'm not afraid to leave my house but I don't like going to new places that I'm not familiar with and can begin panicking just thinking about how I will drive/travel to new locations and can I do it without hitting any major cities. The easiest way I have found to deal with this problem (Except never go anywhere I haven't been before) is to find someone who is outgoing and sociable to tag along with. I've even invited neighbors to go grocery shopping with me because I don't like going alone. So that is what I tried to do with my dream cruise. With a lot of excitement I checked into price packages, travel arrangements and contacted everyone I could think of who might have a couple thousand dollars to spend on a cruise. Nothing panned out and instead of toughening up and say "I can do it on my own" I gave up my dream. What came next...disappointment in myself, subconscious validation that I couldn't change, and an end to my successful weight-loss journey.
They say confession is good for the soul so maybe by blabbing this all over the internet I will find the courage to follow through on my next dream. A one week vacation at the Biggest Loser Resort at Fitness Ridge in Utah! Anybody have a couple thousand dollars laying around and want to go with me??? :)
In my efforts to determine why, after so many successful months of weight-loss, I was struggling I kept coming back to the dream I had. Back near the beginning of the year I heard about "Music Boat 2010", a cruise filled with Christian music artist sailing out in November. I have always dreamed about taking a cruise and was instantly excited. I wanted to go...one of my goals for 2010 was to take a dream vacation...it would be filled with other people who love Christian music...I was scared to death at the thought of going by myself! That was the problem.
I don't have major panic attacks nor am I unable to leave my house but I do have varying levels of social anxiety that I allow to hinder me from doing what I think would be fun and exciting. I don't like big crowds even if I know the people, but if it is going to be a crowd of people I don't know I tend to become a nervous wreck. I'm not afraid to leave my house but I don't like going to new places that I'm not familiar with and can begin panicking just thinking about how I will drive/travel to new locations and can I do it without hitting any major cities. The easiest way I have found to deal with this problem (Except never go anywhere I haven't been before) is to find someone who is outgoing and sociable to tag along with. I've even invited neighbors to go grocery shopping with me because I don't like going alone. So that is what I tried to do with my dream cruise. With a lot of excitement I checked into price packages, travel arrangements and contacted everyone I could think of who might have a couple thousand dollars to spend on a cruise. Nothing panned out and instead of toughening up and say "I can do it on my own" I gave up my dream. What came next...disappointment in myself, subconscious validation that I couldn't change, and an end to my successful weight-loss journey.
They say confession is good for the soul so maybe by blabbing this all over the internet I will find the courage to follow through on my next dream. A one week vacation at the Biggest Loser Resort at Fitness Ridge in Utah! Anybody have a couple thousand dollars laying around and want to go with me??? :)
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
I'm a mess...
... but I don't want to admit it. Between Sunday School lesson and devotions, God has really been hitting me with the truth that it is only through his love and grace that good things exist in my life. Contrary to today's world view there is now 'power within us' to change our lives unless we have Christ within us! Everything from depression, success and weight-loss cannot be finished without God's help because our own strength is very temporary and weak when compared to God's.
I struggle to rely on God because I have always bought into the adage "God helps those who help themselves" and believed that I was able to do enough that God could use his 'help' for those who needed it more. I'm find that the older I get the less strength and determination I have to 'help myself. I take on too many responsibilities and then try to do it all in my own power rather than plugging into God's power supply.
I know I need God's help but why is it so difficult to rely on him rather than to 'do it myself'? I often feel like Paul.. "That which I want to do I do not do, but what I don't want to do I find myself doing..." I need to glory in my weakness go God's strength can be glorified! I need to do this and rely more on God and hopefully I can find the way to do that before God takes serious measures to make me learn it.
I struggle to rely on God because I have always bought into the adage "God helps those who help themselves" and believed that I was able to do enough that God could use his 'help' for those who needed it more. I'm find that the older I get the less strength and determination I have to 'help myself. I take on too many responsibilities and then try to do it all in my own power rather than plugging into God's power supply.
I know I need God's help but why is it so difficult to rely on him rather than to 'do it myself'? I often feel like Paul.. "That which I want to do I do not do, but what I don't want to do I find myself doing..." I need to glory in my weakness go God's strength can be glorified! I need to do this and rely more on God and hopefully I can find the way to do that before God takes serious measures to make me learn it.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Does TV Recycle...
...themes and plots? I keep getting into these nostalgic moments and re-watching TV shows that I enjoyed years ago. I'm currently going through "The Pretender" (Aired in the early-mid 90s) and after about the 10th episode I started thinking that it was reminding me of another TV show that I have seen more recently but couldn't put my brain cells on it.
It finally came to me halfway through the season that it was reminding me of Showtime's "Dexter". Those who are not familiar with either of these series let me recap. THE PRETENDER is about a man who was taken from his parents as a young child and raised in The Centre where his special 'genius' talent was used to simulate events to determine what could have happened or what was most likely to happen given a certain set of circumstances. This information was used for good and evil while leaving Jarrod separated for society as a whole and his parents also. He escapes and looks for his mother. He is searching for his past while the Centre tries to recapture him. Along the way he rights wrongs and brings people to justice.
DEXTER is a TV show based of a book series about a man who suffered unknown trauma in his early years before being adopted by a police officer and his family. He now has this uncontrollable urge to murder and mutilate (Warning: this is NOT a family show) but because of the love and direction he received from his adopted family he only kills other murderers and child molesters that the police cannot catch. Anyway here is where the two shows line up together for me:
1. Both have pasts that they don't fully remember that has led them to their current crusades.
2. Both have people trying to catch them although in DEXTER's case they don't know who they are trying to catch.
3. They both have this demented stare while plotting how they are going to measure out justice.
One big difference is that with the Pretender Jarrod does not kill the bad guys but he does meet out a measure of emotional/psychological trauma before turning them over to the law. Is there any other shows that you can think of that have parallels where you have enjoyed one but not the other. (Forgot to mention that I didn't watch more than 1 season of Dexter because the content was very risque and not just bloody)
It finally came to me halfway through the season that it was reminding me of Showtime's "Dexter". Those who are not familiar with either of these series let me recap. THE PRETENDER is about a man who was taken from his parents as a young child and raised in The Centre where his special 'genius' talent was used to simulate events to determine what could have happened or what was most likely to happen given a certain set of circumstances. This information was used for good and evil while leaving Jarrod separated for society as a whole and his parents also. He escapes and looks for his mother. He is searching for his past while the Centre tries to recapture him. Along the way he rights wrongs and brings people to justice.
DEXTER is a TV show based of a book series about a man who suffered unknown trauma in his early years before being adopted by a police officer and his family. He now has this uncontrollable urge to murder and mutilate (Warning: this is NOT a family show) but because of the love and direction he received from his adopted family he only kills other murderers and child molesters that the police cannot catch. Anyway here is where the two shows line up together for me:
1. Both have pasts that they don't fully remember that has led them to their current crusades.
2. Both have people trying to catch them although in DEXTER's case they don't know who they are trying to catch.
3. They both have this demented stare while plotting how they are going to measure out justice.
One big difference is that with the Pretender Jarrod does not kill the bad guys but he does meet out a measure of emotional/psychological trauma before turning them over to the law. Is there any other shows that you can think of that have parallels where you have enjoyed one but not the other. (Forgot to mention that I didn't watch more than 1 season of Dexter because the content was very risque and not just bloody)
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Saying NO...
...even when you don't want to. I'm sure many of you have been told that you just need to say NO sometimes. Whether because you are over worked, scheduled or stressed say NO can help you balance your life. Sometimes it is really hard to say NO especially if you are a people-pleaser or you get validation through jobs well done. But that is not the area I'm struggling with right now. I'm fighting with myself to say NO to chocolate, chips, candy, crackers, donuts, cookies, and on and on and on.....
I have found that I can't say YES to just one of any of these food because if I have one suddenly the whole bag, box, carton, pound, has disappeared and there was no one else around but me so where did they go?????? I'm hoping that by saying YES in other areas of my life (i.e.Church activities, Cleaning, Crafts, Family & friend events, etc...) there will be less times to struggle with telling myself NO!
I have found that I can't say YES to just one of any of these food because if I have one suddenly the whole bag, box, carton, pound, has disappeared and there was no one else around but me so where did they go?????? I'm hoping that by saying YES in other areas of my life (i.e.Church activities, Cleaning, Crafts, Family & friend events, etc...) there will be less times to struggle with telling myself NO!
Friday, April 23, 2010
Creative processes...
...result in illness.
Out of the comfort box I was ready to step and share a poem at the Friends Poetry Reading. What happens? I end up with a stomach virus the kept me in the bathroom for over 5 hours. (I know TMI) But since I didn't get to read my poem in front of the few Library Friends in the audience I thought I would post it here on my blog where anyone with the misfortune of finding my blog can read it.
ESCAPE
by Cheryl Lucas
School
Job
Housework
I Escape
Illness
Pain
Death
I Escape
Taxes
War
Politicians
I Escape
Loneliness
Fear
Anger
I Escape
When life is too much
or not enough
I escape...
In a book
Out of the comfort box I was ready to step and share a poem at the Friends Poetry Reading. What happens? I end up with a stomach virus the kept me in the bathroom for over 5 hours. (I know TMI) But since I didn't get to read my poem in front of the few Library Friends in the audience I thought I would post it here on my blog where anyone with the misfortune of finding my blog can read it.
ESCAPE
by Cheryl Lucas
School
Job
Housework
I Escape
Illness
Pain
Death
I Escape
Taxes
War
Politicians
I Escape
Loneliness
Fear
Anger
I Escape
When life is too much
or not enough
I escape...
In a book
Friday, March 26, 2010
Feeling good...
...in the neighborhood. Life is full of ups and downs and right now I'm feeling pretty up. I thought for a while that I was going to lose all my young nieces and nephews as their families moved away but I only lost half of them.
The girls are still living next door and visit often (maybe not as often as their parents might wish) and it's good to have them near. While I don't have any of my own I still enjoy brief moments with other people's kids.
It may be the sunshine adding to my good mood or maybe the fact that the boss has been gone all week. Maybe it's the fact that I feel like I'm back on the weight-loss road or or maybe my happy pills are working. (Does Vitamin D3 keep working even when the sun is out?) Love God, Love Family & Love Myself. Life is good!
The girls are still living next door and visit often (maybe not as often as their parents might wish) and it's good to have them near. While I don't have any of my own I still enjoy brief moments with other people's kids.
It may be the sunshine adding to my good mood or maybe the fact that the boss has been gone all week. Maybe it's the fact that I feel like I'm back on the weight-loss road or or maybe my happy pills are working. (Does Vitamin D3 keep working even when the sun is out?) Love God, Love Family & Love Myself. Life is good!
Thursday, March 04, 2010
I'm tired...
... of dieting, exercising, making good choices and being disciplined. Is it to much to ask for one day a week to do, eat, say and go where and what I want to without any consequences? I totally agree that adulthood is overrated.
I don't want to be a kid again I would just like to feel like one for 24 hours.
I don't want to be a kid again I would just like to feel like one for 24 hours.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Never Give Up, Never Give Up, Never Give Up...
...no matter what! Binging without purging does not lead to weight-loss and binging and purging destroys your health so what is a person to do when they need to lose weight but can't stop binge eating? Knowledge alone is not helping the matter and how do you find will-power over something that controls you because you can't control it.
My next step is to create a list of distractions for when the cravings hit and see if I can distract myself long enough for the bizarre gorging fit to pass.
My next step is to create a list of distractions for when the cravings hit and see if I can distract myself long enough for the bizarre gorging fit to pass.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Discipline is good for you...
...right? Instead of resolutions this year I decided to set goals for myself. I set short term and long term goals and I'm working diligently to achieve them without seeing it as a failure if I don't. One of my goals is to read a nonfiction book each month. I finally finished January's with one week to spare! (I started it in mid-December) Now I need to start my February one and thought that since Feb. is short I should choose a short book. My choice, the 50 page "Short Guide to a Happy Life", by Anna Quinlan. (Is that cheating?)
Another goal is to take a dream vacation this year. I'm up in the air about this one. I really thought a cruise on the Music Boat 2010 would be great, but knew that I wouldn't enjoy it if I had to go by myself so as a second option I'm considering a trip to Italy with my aunt and cousin. This requires a passport and a BIG step out of my comfort zone. So even the 'fun' goals require decisions and follow through.
I'm also trying to enlarge my social networking skills off the computer. In an effort to do that I'm trying to invite people over ever so often. The tough part will be when I go outside of my family to do this and planning what to do to entertain said company. I have until the end of February to have my first 'party', anyone interested in coming to my house for games, movie, or just to borrow my sauna?
Another goal is to take a dream vacation this year. I'm up in the air about this one. I really thought a cruise on the Music Boat 2010 would be great, but knew that I wouldn't enjoy it if I had to go by myself so as a second option I'm considering a trip to Italy with my aunt and cousin. This requires a passport and a BIG step out of my comfort zone. So even the 'fun' goals require decisions and follow through.
I'm also trying to enlarge my social networking skills off the computer. In an effort to do that I'm trying to invite people over ever so often. The tough part will be when I go outside of my family to do this and planning what to do to entertain said company. I have until the end of February to have my first 'party', anyone interested in coming to my house for games, movie, or just to borrow my sauna?
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
When nothing exciting happens...
...it's time to get creative. After reading my sister's inspiring blog about living with kids on a low income budget I have realized that my life is only boring because I don't want it to be anything else. There are a lot of things I could do and many places I could go if I just had the energy and desire to get out of my comfortable rut and go.
I have been playing with the idea of taking a cruise in November, but have to book before the 25th to get the best deal and I can't afford to go by myself nor do I have the nerves to take an adventure like that on my own. So right now I'm praying that God will make a way for my Aunt to go with me. If He doesn't I know that there will be other opportunities that He will provide.
My biggest adventure in 2009 was weight-loss. It will probably end up being my biggest adventure/challenge in 2010 because I still have a long way to go. I've set up goals, both long and short term, for 2010 hoping that it will keep me motivated. The last couple of months have been the yo-yo months. What comes off one week comes back the next week. I'm really struggling to make my diet a lifestyle and not a diet that I'm getting tired of. I tell myself that I won't give up, and I don't believe I will but I know that I will struggle for a while.
One of my goals is to read a nonfiction book each month. Some months it will be a child's nonfiction because I'll need a head start on the book for the next month. I've spent several weeks reading "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale. I've learned some good tips and practices but I'm still struggling to read it. (I'd much rather read the newest Jayne Ann Krentz and Julie Garwood.)
Maybe I'll make it a goal to do something 'exciting' before the end of January. Then again reading a new release can be exciting!
I have been playing with the idea of taking a cruise in November, but have to book before the 25th to get the best deal and I can't afford to go by myself nor do I have the nerves to take an adventure like that on my own. So right now I'm praying that God will make a way for my Aunt to go with me. If He doesn't I know that there will be other opportunities that He will provide.
My biggest adventure in 2009 was weight-loss. It will probably end up being my biggest adventure/challenge in 2010 because I still have a long way to go. I've set up goals, both long and short term, for 2010 hoping that it will keep me motivated. The last couple of months have been the yo-yo months. What comes off one week comes back the next week. I'm really struggling to make my diet a lifestyle and not a diet that I'm getting tired of. I tell myself that I won't give up, and I don't believe I will but I know that I will struggle for a while.
One of my goals is to read a nonfiction book each month. Some months it will be a child's nonfiction because I'll need a head start on the book for the next month. I've spent several weeks reading "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale. I've learned some good tips and practices but I'm still struggling to read it. (I'd much rather read the newest Jayne Ann Krentz and Julie Garwood.)
Maybe I'll make it a goal to do something 'exciting' before the end of January. Then again reading a new release can be exciting!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)