Thursday, January 28, 2016

Just because nobody misses me when I'm gone...

...doesn't mean that I won't show up again anyway.
I haven't posted here since 2013 and I haven't had any complaints about people missing my bogus thoughts at all. I'm not going to let that discourage me, because sometimes writing is a matter of self realization and not just for the entertainment of strangers.
A lot has happened since 2013. I'm living in a new State with a new job and have made new friends and become part of a new church family. Now that I'm comfortable with all that newness I'm focusing once again on a new me. After a diagnosis of sever osteoarthritis helped explain why I was spending the majority of my day in extreme pain I met with an Orthopedic to explore the options to reduce the pain. His answer was so discouraging that I went home, cried and yelled at the walls because the 'easy fix' was not an option. That's right, I said 'easy fix'. In my way of thinking it was a whole lot easier to have hip replacement surgery than to make the necessary changes needed to shed a lot of excess baggage that I have carried around all my life.
With surgery off the table until I had unpacked all that baggage, I had to decide how I wanted to spend the rest of my years. Do I work at changing habits, impulses, thought patterns and food choices or do I just take more pain pills, use a cane/walker/wheelchair and further destroy the body God gave me. Anyone who has never struggled with the practice of using food for comfort, company, entertainment and pure enjoyment may not understand the actual struggle this is to change. I'm making baby steps and trying to pick myself up every time I fall backwards. The journey is still a long one and I need to believe that the destination is going to be worth it because more often than not I miss the warm feeling that sitting on the couch eating a family size bag of Doritos brings me.

Currently reading, "Made to Crave: satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food", by Lysa TerKeurst and "Feel the Burn", by G. A. Aiken