I was reminded of this yesterday after filling up my car at the gas station. The tank wasn't totally running on fumes so it took just under $15 to fill it up and since I only have to do that about once a month I should be happy, right? Nope I was grumbling about having to fill up when it was cold and whining about getting out of the car one more time that morning. When I was done, God gently smacked me up side the head with the reminder "Remember when it cost $35-$40 to fill up your little car? Remember needing to spend that every 1.5 weeks?" Oh how soon we forget.
I am normally a very positive person when it comes to other people. I try to find reasons or excuses for actions and behaviors but when it comes to myself, that's when I need more smacks to the head. While I am trying to imprint the idea that my worth should alway be measured in God's eyes I still seem to struggle with judging myself on perceive successes and failures. I need to remember to take some time and reflect back. If I succeed, it probably wasn't luck or because of some random chance that everything just happened. Most likely there was a lot of learning, trial and error, gifted teachers and examples that lead to that success. If I fail, it's not because I'm a failure but probably because I haven't mastered the needed skills or it just wasn't the right time.
Even when I feel I've failed I need to reflect on how far I've come. It may be a couple weeks and that number, which does not define my worth (repetition aids memory), has not dropped any lower. I can't allow myself to feel like a failure. If I look back I can reflect on that number dropping 5, 10, 30, 50 digits and that didn't happen in a week but through persistence and perseverance. This is especially important because my history shows that failure produces binges. Now if I can just find a way to celebrate success without bingeing I may finally be making progress.
No comments:
Post a Comment